my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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