So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If that was your dad, he is hot
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
