He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
