He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
