Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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