I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
