Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All the doctor said was why
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
