what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
