I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
my liver is dry heaving
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
