Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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