i think my mom watched the whole time
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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