Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
