Duck Duck Cougar?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
