I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I would fuck him just for his dog
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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