Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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