The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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