Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
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I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
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I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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