I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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