winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
