its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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