my phone needs a breathalizer
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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