now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just had sex on a roof
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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