Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
