I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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