How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
no, he came in my armpit
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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