so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
