if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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