I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
