Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
