how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
