I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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