Define "chronic" masturbator.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
