sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
