she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and she was petting her beer can
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
