So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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