i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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