you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
