remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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