Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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