Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
