I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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