u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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