i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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