Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
