The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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