Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?