in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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