Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist