No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
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just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.