also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
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I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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