Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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