So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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