I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
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I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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