White coat. Heels.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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