Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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