No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
did i walk over a car last night?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
