my phone needs a breathalizer
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I touched a dick in church today
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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