I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
