They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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