Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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