Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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