I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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