What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
