I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
