WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
