Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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