Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
