I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
