So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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