He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
