I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
