How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
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We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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