You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
