So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
