Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
